I’ve been thinking about writing this post all day. Here I am, nine days into my month of gratitude — during which it seems like I ought to be writing blog posts about beach sunsets and adorable little girls frolicking through the woods — and I’m having the sort of day that makes sunsets and afternoon frolics feel like soon-to-be-lost memories. For a moment or two earlier today, when I felt my world collapse around me, I thought I might just skip out on 30 Days of Thanks, go to bed and wait for tomorrow to be thankful. But the thing about this project is, it is most meaningful when the things for which I am grateful are not right under my nose because it forces me to remember that even when the going gets tough, on our hardest days, there is always something for which to be thankful.
Yesterday I went to bed excited about our immediate and long-term future. I wrote about the contentedness that came from feeling secure for the first time in a long time and how thankful I am to be able to contribute enough over the next few weeks to be able to give myself a little “maternity leave” after Peach is born. This morning, Chris had a meeting with the owners of the restaurant and we learned just how quickly life can change. In an instant, everything we felt certain about in our future disappeared and now we are faced with weeks of decision making and most likely some very dramatic life changes between now and the time Peach is due to appear.
I spent much of today oscillating between a state of shock and feelings of overwhelming despair. It felt like the sky was falling and that on this beautiful, sunny Nantucket day, Chris and I were the only ones who noticed. On one hand, I wanted life to stop so I could have more time to digest and accept before continuing on with client meetings, Diwali potluck prep, and little children’s birthday parties. On the other hand, I am thankful that this news came on a day during which I didn’t have the luxury of wallowing because there were mini pies to bake, presents to wrap, and an entire house to be cleaned before company arrives. Today, it turns out I am most thankful for distraction.
But more than that, after a day of contemplation through the 30 Days of Thanks gaze, I am thankful for all the things I normally take for granted: each and every breath I took today, my beautiful healthy daughter, the healthy baby dancing in my belly oblivious to grown-up worries, the roof over our head and food on our plates, the 8 week warning we were given about these changes, and, as a friend reminded me of on Facebook, indoor plumbing.
Oh, yes…and I’m thankful for brownies.(Because the only responsible thing to do when faced with a sudden sharp turn in the road of life is to bake brownies.)